Running Away Toward Something

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him. ~Jeffery Bernard 

In all honesty, I never pictured myself as a successful person. I don't really have any talents like singing or playing an instrument. I can't draw. I like to cook, but I could never make a life of it. Almost all of my friends were over-achievers. I was an average student, not even above-average... just average. I went to community college after high school and just took a bunch of classes that I found interesting. I didn't feel drawn to any particular major. For a while I wanted to write a book, and maybe I still do. I thought I would be a good counselor or social worker, but I hated college and decided not to finish. I realized my frustrations of wanting to work with people, but having no college degree. This annoys me. Why do you need a higher education to help people? I don't get it.

I  have always wanted to live and work in a third world country... which I am at the end of doing now. I have spent my last eighteen months in Guatemala, and I love my job, my co-workers, the purpose for which I'm working. I love the community of La Limonada and am happy that the folks there know who I am and that they trust me. I love that my kids love learning English in my classes. Part of me wants to do this forever... but part of me wants to move back to the States. Right now it's an internal struggle, and I have decided to step back here in Guate and return to the States... at least for a little while.

My mom has always, lovingly, called me a 'gypsy'. My move to Guatemala wasn't the first time I had just packed up and moved somewhere. I love a challenge. I hate packing and unpacking, but the moving part has never really bothered me. I'm okay with abandoning all of my possessions and taking up whatever new things I encounter. I'm not into fancy things. I'm a hippie at heart. I can easily adapt to nearly any situation.

When I started this process of living overseas about three years ago, I didn't know what I would be getting myself into. Part of me was following a dream. Part of me was running away from the corporate world that I had grown to hate. I have always known that 'normal' was not a part of me, and I struggled to maintain whatever normalcy I had. It was exhausting, and it wasn't me. So I became the 'gypsy' my mom always believed me to be. The idea of settling down scares me... but I know that its inevitable. Someday, I will have to stop.

Or do I??