Chapters

"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching." ~Unknown

I'm currently in the middle of making a life-changing decision. Several years ago, I decided to sell all of my possessions, find new homes for my pets, and move to a third-world country. Now, I'm deciding whether or not it is time to move back to the States for a period of time. Unfortunately, working in the environment that I am in now is extremely draining; mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. My decision to move home is for sanity purposes, and to have some time to relax and get my head on straight.

My concern in this decision is, first and foremost, that I don't want to abandon my students or co-workers here in Guatemala. La Limonada is a place that gets in your head and refuses to leave. My students are a constant part of me, and often flow through my thoughts. One student in particular is of great concern to me. She has become a very important part of my daily life, and the thought of not seeing her everyday worries me.

Another concern of mine, is whether or not I am failing in the mission that I set out on almost four years ago. The plan was to always be an asset in whatever situation I ended up in... as of right now, I'm feeling like more of a burden. Maybe 'burden' isn't the right word. I feel that my presence here is no longer needed, and also I am just so exhausted. I always thought that I could hold things together, but I'm finding myself in a place where I'm just constantly stressed out. I have never been a person to stay in a situation where I would be unhappy. This is what I'm faced with right now. It's a hard thing to contend with.

Is this a failure?

I ask this question knowing that our lives come and go in 'chapters'. A friend (who was also involved with the community that I'm currently involved in) recently told me that the chapters of our lives have to come to an end at some point... "and that's okay". I think that these are the words that I needed to hear. A person can't take care of others if they don't take care of themselves first. This is a lesson that took me years to learn.